Marriage can be an awesome thing. You pledge yourself to another for, what is supposed to be, the rest of your lives. You seek a partner that you are compatible with, physically and emotionally attracted to, share common interests, and is a friend. After all, this union of love and commitment is between YOU and your SPOUSE.
How often is it that “family” members intrude? I’ve heard stories of two people being in love yet, one side or the other’s family or a family member, does not like this person. And so the pressure begins to “break” the couple up. Sometimes the family member(s) win and the couple breaks up. Other times, the love the couple has for one another continues to flourish, despite unhappy and meddling family member(s).
The couple who can endure all the ridicule, pressure from family to dissolve your relationship, to me, is a committed couple. This is a couple, a marriage, that is going to last (at least from the pressures outside their relationship). This, imo, is what marriage is about.
When you say “I DO”, it is to that ONE person, NOT their FAMILY.
However, there are a lot of people out there that either value the opinions of their family and don’t want to anger or disappoint them, those that would lose an inheritance because of their union to an un-liked spouse, and those who simply put family (immediate) as a priority over their spouse.
In my past, I dated men that my Father did not approve of. It never stopped me, as it was MY life. He chose who he wanted as a spouse. I was free to choose whom I wanted. There were men I dated who my friends didn’t approve of. Never stopped me, again, as it was my life to choose.
People who choose marriage or a civil union, please remember…..the commitment you pledge is to ONE ANOTHER, not the entire FAMILY. Family does matter to an extent, to what degree, is totally up to you. Only the couple involved truly knows one another. What a family member might see or perceive, may not be true. Their site may be blinded for whatever reason (ie, a controlling mother who doesn’t want to let go of their son, or a controlling father who thinks no one is good enough for his daughter, or a jealous sibling).
What truly matters is, YOU and your chosen PARTNER, are truly happy and committed to one another. Do not let family meddle into your affairs and ruin what you have. In the long run, your PARTNER/SPOUSE in life is the one who will be there with you, through thick and thin. They are the one who “has your back”. They are the ones who know you for who you are every day, not what you once were.
And don’t get me wrong, family is important, they just need to know their place!
When I said “I DO”, it was to my HUSBAND, not his family. When he said “I DO”, it was to me, not to my family (what little I have left).
Marriage is a union between TWO people who LOVE one another and commit to each other for life. If you are an unhappy family member meddling into a couples life, STOP and think what you are doing. What you are TRULY doing. You may just be pushing your loved one away.
Now I’d like to hear from you, what are your thoughts? Would you ever let a family member intrude to the point of breaking up your relationship? Do you value your commitment to your spouse or partner more than your commitment to your “immediate” family?
About Bren
Wow, this is a tough one Brenda. I do believe it’s your choice but it can get complicated if you have children from prior marriages too. I would never tell my children who to marry or not. Sometimes showing your displeasure can backfire in those situations. I think it makes life more difficult if family does not approve of someone’s partner and that is really too bad because they are not the ones married to them. Life is too short for all to have grudges. Why can’t more people (especially families) just get along?
Twitter: lisapatb
I totally understand if there are children involved, such as in a divorce or what not. I’m talking more about the controlling/meddling mother or father or even a brother or sister who is constantly butting their nose in and trying to start drama. The kind that love to be in everyone else business, always are judgmental, and think they know it all. Those are the kinds I really meant. You know, even my very own brother (who was into drugs and such), I kept my distance because I didn’t want to be involved with that mess. You know, he gets busted, I could be busting too. When my father came btwn me and an ex, I didn’t talk to him and his wife for almost 2 years, just because they were so against this guy and pushed me away. It’s said, but unfortunately, there are those who are so unhappy with their own lives and bored, they have to meddle. I kick those kind to the curb. Don’t need that negativity in my life. It’s way to short for that.
Never ever will I let family intrude in my marriage. We’ve had issues at some point on either side of the family, but we were sure to not let it stress us. I think you have to be tough in order to tune out your family sometimes and do what’s best for your marriage. I know several couples who value the opinion of their families over their spouse and those relationships didn’t last.
Thanks sweetie. Yes, I do agree. The marriage or union does not last because either side can’t stand the pressure and cave in. It’s truly sad that people are allowed to live out their lives without petty interruptions. My hubs and I said from the “git go”, it doesn’t matter. WE are what matters.
And yes, this comment came about after a BAD visit with family many years ago. 
So people are just under the impression that the WORLD revolved around THEM. smh @ stupid people 
In our early (stupid) years we let family have some input and it didn’t help the particular issue. Now 10 years later we don’t let family intrude on us. We work through it…..that is what it is about.
Great way to do it Latorsha! Power to a couple in love!